The Most Thirstiest Time Of The Year
by MasterCaster
Summary: Christmas time is supposed to be a season of family and peace. But for the loud family, a violent spirit named JeBron Lames (cleverly named to avoid copyright) stalks the house in attempts to offer the family a drink that they all despise. Will they survive? Read and find out.


**I was going around on YouTube watching game playthroughs like the loser I am until I spotted this game I found on Coryxkenshin's channel called "Thirstiest Time of the Year" which is a horror game based on the Sprite cranberry commercials which should be on by now and thought "_What did the creator smoke or snort when making this?_". Then I thought, "_It's been a while since I made a dumb one-shot. So why not make one out of this?_". And here we are. So this is a Christmas present for everyone who can make a good idea out of something dumb. (Talking about you, Flagg! Lol. Kidding).**

**Anyways, here's your present you brats! Make sure you stuff this deep into your stockings.**

* * *

It's December time in Royal Woods and Christmas is only a few days away.

People rush around all over the place to buy their loved ones gifts for the special day which is always hectic as everyone's nerves are on the rise to the point where one small setback is compared to that if an atomic bomb blast.

But not all of Royal Woods is in holiday chaos.

A house on Franklin Avenue, that belonging to the well known Loud Family, was seemingly calm.

The Louds have already decorated their house with bright lights with snowmen and reindeers everywhere.

Inside in one of the corners of the living room stood a tall and green christmas tree with lights and ornaments hanging on the branches.

Everyone was relaxed.

But one member of the family wasn't there. A boy named Lincoln.

* * *

Lincoln Loud and his friend, Clyde McBride, walked down the sidewalk on route to Clyde's house

The two were decked out in their winter clothes as they were heading home from a session at Gus's Games N' Grub. They best friends talked to each other about some nerdy subject to where they didn't notice a grown man walking towards them.

The two only caught a glance last minute and stopped.

They looked in front of them to see a tall black man wearing a red sweater with white snowflake designs on it and a hood on the backside with a white vest over it with the initials _LBJ _stitched in cursive on the left side. Along with the man's wardrobe was a long pair of white pants and black shoes.

The man's head had thin black hair on the top and a chinstrap beard.

To finish the description, the man had a frozen, almost souless, smile on his face with wide eyes, staring down at the boys.

"Oh. Sorry, sir." Clyde apologized.

"Yeah. We weren't paying attention." Lincoln added.

But before the two could walk around the black man, he broke the silence with one simple question.

"You wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked.

Lincoln and Clyde stopped in their tracks and scowled at the man.

"What was that?" Clyde asked, clearly confused.

The black man turned to Clyde and looked straight into his eyes.

"You wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked once more.

The man reached behind him and pulled out a can of Sprite Cranberry from... somewhere.

Clyde looked up at the man, then to the can, and back at the man.

"No, thanks." Clyde refused kindly.

"Besides. I prefer a nice cold Fanta!" he added with a smile

The man's eye twitched.

"So anyways, we should go on ho-"

Clyde and Lincoln failed to notice the man reeling his free arm back and launching it forwards, his fist colliding with Clyde's face.

A cradling sound was heard as Clyde fell to the ground.

"CLYDE!" Lincoln screamed.

The white haired boy fell to his knees next to his motionless friend.

Feeling his friend, Lincoln was relieved that Clyde was still breathing, he was just knocked out. But one of the specs of his glasses was cracked and his nose was leaking a stream of blood.

Lincoln glared angrily at the man who was still smiling at him.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Lincoln yelled.

But the man just replied with the same question from before.

"You wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked as if nothing bad has happened.

Lincoln just slapped the can out of the man's hand, making it fall to the ground.

"Sprite Cranberry stinks!' Lincoln screamed.

The man's arm immediately reeled back making Lincoln's angry star turn into shock.

With a quick motion, Lincoln managed to dodge the man's swing and run around him towards his house.

Turning around, Lincoln's eyes widened as he saw the man running after him. The run looking very similar to an anime he watches about a blonde kid wearing orange who's also a ninja.

Lincoln screamed in fear as he ran faster.

* * *

A few minutes later, Lincoln made it to the front door of his house.

He opened it, rushed in, and slammed the door shut while making sure to lock it.

His parents who were sitting on the couch were surprised about their son coming in such a quick pace.

"What's wrong, Lincoln?" Lynn Sr asked in both worry and curiosity as the question of what bills does Lincoln pay to be slamming doors in this house.

Lincoln stared at his parents with his eyes as big as saucers.

"T-THERE'S A MAN C-CHASING M-ME!" Lincoln explained with a lack of breath.

Both parent's eyes widened.

"WHAT?" both asked.

"He punched Clyde and then-"

Lincoln was interrupted by sudden knocks on the front door.

"wanna sprite cranberry?" A muffled voice asked on the outside.

"It's him!" Lincoln screamed before running up the stairs.

After his son left the room, Lynn Sr glared at the door.

"Call the police, Rita." he growled while stomping towards the door.

Lynn Sr unlocked the lock and swung the door open only to be met with the same black man that chased Lincoln.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" the man asked Lynn with that same frozen smile as before.

"So what's your problem? Why are you chasing my son?" Lynn interrogated angrily.

Completely unphased by Mr. Loud's dad voice, the man signature question again while pulling out a can of sprite cranberry out of nowhere.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked.

Lynn replied by slapping the can out if his hand and allowing for the can to fall to the ground.

"NOBODY WANTS YOUR GROSS DRINK! NOW TELL ME WHAT'S YOUR ISSUE OR I'LL KICK YOUR A-"

Before Lynn Sr could finish his threat, the man quickly reeled back and punched Lynn in the face, making the middle-aged man fly across the living room and hit the wall, falling unconscious.

Rita screamed as she held her phone with 911 already dialed.

The man entered the house and stopped in front of Rita.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" The man asked in a voice that almost sounded like a robot.

Rita reached back and grabbed a fire poker from the fireplace and held it in front of her.

"I-I don't know who you are or why you're here, but I s-suggest that you leave before the cops arrive!" Rita growled, trying her best to hide her fear.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" the man asked, not caring about that petty threat.

Rita shivered in disgust.

"And no one wants that trash. We are a fanta drinking family!"

The man's eye twitched. He then lunged towards Rita.

Rita swiped the fire poker in hopes to hit the intruder only for the man to dodge the object by leaping over it.

Once landing, the man grabbed the fire poker to stop Rita from using it again.

Both were face to face.

The man staring at Rita with a creepy smile while Rita glared at him with gritted teeth.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" The man asked again in a hushed tone, giving Rita one last chance to change her mind.

Rita replied by spitting in the man's face who didn't react.

"You can take your can and shove it!" She yelled into his face.

With that, Rita saw the man reel back his arm and everything went dark.

* * *

Lucy and Lynn Jr laid on their beds doing their usual activities until their door slammed open.

Both jumped and looked over to see Lincoln in the doorway holding both twins in his arms and Lily ha going on to the top of his head.

Lynn noticed her brother's frightened expression as he dropped the twins and closed their door, locking it behind him.

"What are you doing?" Lynn asked.

"Yeah. What's the big idea?" Lola fussed.

Lincoln took a deep breath.

"Clyde and I ran into this man on our way home. He asked if we wanted some sprite cranberry.."

"Ew. Not even I would drink that!" Lana spat.

"Yeah, me neither. Anyways, Clyde said no so the man punched Clyde and chased me home! He might be outside as we speak!" Lincoln explained in a hurry.

The only reply he got was laughter from Lynn.

"That's it? Just some loser trying to sell that barf drink?" The jock chuckled.

"He's telling the truth, Lynn." Lucy spoke up.

Everyone looked towards Lucy.

"You know something about him, Lucy?" Lincoln asked.

Lucy nodded and started to speak.

"Great Grandma Harriet told me about this being. His name is JeBron Lames; The Sprite Cranberry Ghost. He's a violent spirit that offers people that retched poison. If someone refuses his gift, he punches them in the face. You will be spared from his wrath if you accept his drink. But you will be forever known as the sell out who would drink such filth." Lucy explained.

The room was silent.

"W-Well...we should be safe in here." Lana quivered.

"Negative. His Nike shoes can kick down any door regardless of how strong the lock is." Lucy added.

"Brings a whole new meaning to _Just Do It!_" said Lynn, looking to the ground.

Lincoln glanced at the door and back at his sisters in worry.

"Okay. Lynn, do you have anything sharp we could use to fight back?" he asked.

"That won't work either. No man-made weapon can harm him." said Lucy

Everyone just stared at Lucy as she remained quiet.

"Well what is it?" Lynn barked.

Lucy sighed.

"So much for the dramatic effect." she moaned before speaking again.

"The only thing that can destroy him is...Fanta." Lucy revealed.

Lincoln smacked a fist into his hand.

"That's right! JeBron went crazy when Clyde mentioned Fanta. He must hate the stuff!" said Lincoln

"He despises any soda that isn't Sprite Cranberry. But you're right, Fanta is the one soda brand that he truly hates!" Lucy replied.

"But all of the Fanta in the house is gone! I just checked the fridge a few minutes ago." said Lynn.

All the siblings gulped as they were close to accepting the cruel fate of being faded out.

...

...

"There is still one more." Lucy revealed.

"What do you mean?" Her siblings asked in unison.

"I hid a can from all of you so I may enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of orange soda in peace. It's in the back of the fridge behind the bigger containers." said Lucy.

"Okay. So now we have to make a plan to get to the kitchen safely."

_Knock Knock Knock_

_"wanna sprite cranberry_?" asked Jebron from the other side of the bedroom door.

"he must've heard us!" Lana whispered.

"quick. under the beds." Lucy whispered.

Lincoln, Lucy, and Lana his under Lucy's bed as Lana grabbed Lily and went under Lynn's bed. But Lynn didn't try to hide.

"lynn! what are you doing?" Lincoln said just loud enough for Lynn to here.

Lynn grabbed a nearby baseball bat.

"Buying you all some time." Lynn answered with determination.

Suddenly, the door burst open revealing JeBron Lames.

The spirit of sprite sees Lynn glaring at him.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked.

"I'm sorry but I can't hear you. Mind coming closer?" Lynn asked with fake innocence.

JeBron complied and came closer to where he was only two steps away from Lynn.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" He asked once more.

Lynn reeled the bat back.

"FANTA FOR LIFE!" Lynn yelled as she swing the bat forwards only for JeBron to catch it in his hand.

JeBron then lifts the bat and Lynn into the air where Lynn met him at eye level.

...

"Could we talk about this?" Lynn asked.

Jebron replied by swinging the bat over his head, slamming Lynn on her back.

JeBron knelt down and grabbed Lynn by the collar of her Jersey and slung her out of the window in a single swoop.

The siblings heard Lynn scream until they heard a loud _FUMP_!

The siblings were shocked.

Lincoln held Lola close who was crying.

"I-I'm okay...the thorn bushes broke my fall!" said Lynn from outside.

Lincoln cringed.

That is until he notice a small figure standing behind JeBron who was still staring out the window.

Lincoln immediately recognized it to be Lily who must've slipped away from Lana.

"lily!" Lincoln called quietly as possible.

"Poo-Poo!" Lily sang, looking up at the man curiously.

JeBron spun around and look down to see a baby standing before him.

The siblings feared the worse for Lily and Lincoln was about to come out and fight back only for Jebron to do the unexpected.

Jebron pulled a can of sprite cranberry out of nowhere and handed it to Lily which she grabbed and started to gnaw on the can. JeBron gave Lily a gentle pat on the head and headed for the hallway.

That's when they heard the sound of laughter from another room which JeBron noticed.

He headed towards Luan's and Luna's bedroom.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he called.

"_Sprite Cranberry? That's a joke itself!_." Luan replied through the door.

"_Yeah! Fanta's where it's at."_ Luna replied.

JeBron kicked the door down and headed into the room.

Seeing this as the cue, Lincoln got out from under Lucy's bed and helped the goth out as well.

"Stay hidden!" Lincoln instructed to the twins and Lily.

But before doing anything else, Lincoln grabbed the can from Lily and tossed it out the window. The can fell and landed on Lynn's head.

"ow..." Lynn grunted.

The two siblings tiptoed past the the room where they heard Luna and Luan screaming in fear, causing Lincoln to feel guilty in not helping his sister's.

They made it to the stairs only to hear the dreaded question right behind them.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?"

Lincoln and Lucy turned to see JeBron at the doorway staring at them, behind him was Luna and Luan, both knocked out on the ground.

Thankfully, another bedroom door opened up.

Lori came into the hallway.

"What's with all the noise?" Lori nagged until she saw the stranger in the hallway.

"Who are you?" she asked defensively.

Jebron's attention was now on Lori.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked.

Lori suddenly began to gag.

"Gross, none for me." Lori replied.

"None for me neither. I'm a fanta girl!" Leni replied from inside her and Lori's room.

With that, Jebron ran at Lori.

Lincoln and Lucy reluctantly used this as their means of escape as Lori and Leni screamed.

* * *

The two siblings made it down to the living room where they found their unconscious parents.

Sucking their teeth, Lincoln and Lucy ran towards the dining room until they ran into a sister who had yet to been seen in this story yet.

Lisa Loud.

"Lisa! You're okay!" Lincoln rejoiced.

"How did you hide from Jebron for so...Lisa...what is that in your hand?" Lucy asked.

Lincoln glanced to where Lucy was staring and gasped.

In Lisa's hand was an open can of Sprite Cranberry.

"Lisa...how could you?" Lincoln asked with a mixture of shock and disappointment.

Lisa looked at her siblings with disinterest.

"What? I had no desire to get punched in the face." Lisa explained as she took another sip of the Sprite Cranberry.

"JUDAS!" Lucy yelled while pointing a finger at her brainy sister.

Lisa just shrugged and walked away with her cursed drink.

Lincoln stood up with visible tears forming in his eyes.

"I can't believe that Lisa would just stoop so low." he whimpered.

Lucy just shook her head and placed a hand on her brother's shoulder as a way of comforting him.

"She made her choice. Now let's find that drink before JeBron catches us." said Lucy.

Suddenly, as if their prayers were answered, sirens echoed through the neighborhood as police cars stopped in front of the house.

"The cops!" Lincoln smiled.

"They won't stop him, just gives us an extra few minutes." said Lucy as she and her brother ran into the kitchen.

JeBron Lames walked down the stairs as he noticed flashing blue lights shining into the house.

A group of officers stormed into the living room and trained their guns on JeBron.

"We had a report by a kid that you punched him in the face. And his description matched Mrs. Loud's call to us earlier. So will you come quietly or will we have to get violent?" One cop asked.

JeBron just stared at him.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked.

The cop made a fake gag noise.

"Sprite Cranberry? Who would drink that stuff?" he asked.

Another officer butted in.

"Have you ever heard of a cop drinking sprite cranberry with doughnuts? No, it's coffee and doughnuts! Sprite Cranberry is a disgrace to all of soda kind!"

The cops laughed.

"But Fanta is a great exception!" another added.

The rest of the police voice their aggreements.

You can guess what happened next...

JeBron want ham on 'em.

The cops tried firing but JeBron managed to dodge every shot and knock each out in rapid succession.

It was until he got to the last cop who was cowering in fear.

Before JeBron could throw a punch, the cop raised his hands in the air.

"Wait! I don't even like fanta!" he screamed.

JeBron froze.

"Not do I like coffee." the cop added.

JeBron lowered his fist, making the cop sighed in relief.

JeBron Lames grabbed a can of sprite cranberry from from somewhere.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked calmly.

The cop just stared at the can before looking at JeBron and speaking.

"Oh, I don't like Sprite either, much less Sprite Cranberry. But I've always enjoyed Sierra Mist!" The cop smiled, only to be grabbed by the neck and lifted into the air.

JeBron Lames may hate Fanta drinks with a fiery passion, but nothing rubs salt in the wound worse then someone claiming to enjoy the blatant rip-off of the gem that is Sprite. JeBron will give this cop an extra dose of pain!

But JeBron heard a thud like sound coming from the kitchen.

So he just put punched the cop's lights out and headed towards the noise.

* * *

"There goes dad's leftover tuna casserole." said Lucy

Lincoln was busy digging through the fridge to where Lucy said she hid her drink.

"Lucy. I respect that you wanted to save a fanta for yourself, but did you have to hide it behind the heavy left overs?" Lincoln grunted

"By any means necessary." Lucy answered deeply.

Lincoln felt his hand grab something cold.

"I got it!" Lincoln announced as he pulled out the treasure.

A cold can of orange fanta!

Lincoln and Lucy stared at the can and started to drool at it's heavenly image.

Lucy managed to snap out of her trance.

"Lincoln, you need to shake the soda up as much as you can. When you fini-"

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?"

Lucy and Lincoln gasped as they saw JeBron Lames staring at them at the doorway of the kitchen.

Lucy continued to speak while facing the demon.

"Start shaking the can immediately! When he gets close, open the tab and spray it on him!" Lucy instructed quickly.

Lincoln started to shake the can as JeBron began his approach.

"Get behind me, Lucy!" Lincoln shouted as he shook the can with all his might.

But Lucy refused.

"I will buy you a few seconds." she replied.

Lucy reached up to a nearby drawer and pulled out a large kitchen knife which made Lincoln gasp.

Rita had always told her youngest daughters to never handle a knife without her or their father around or else they would be in big trouble. So Lucy risking a grounding is showing her true bravery.

"Die monster! You don't belong in this world!" Lucy exclaimed as she brought the blade back as JeBron got closer.

When JeBron Lames got close enough, Lucy launched the blade forwards ready to stab her enemy...only for JeBron to smack the knife out of her hand.

The knife made a loud clinging sound in the kitchen floor.

Both Lincoln and Lucy looked down in surprise.

"Curse my weak eight year old hands!" Lucy seethed.

Lucy then felt a large hand grab the top of her head and was suddenly lifted into the air until she was face to face with JeBron, similar to Lynn.

"Lincoln..." Lucy began.

"Y-Yes?" Lincoln replied nervously.

"Make sure to feed Fangs for me." said Lucy.

After her last words, JeBron spun around and threw Lucy out through the glass of the kitchen window, sending the goth outside.

"LUCY!" Lincoln screamed as he heard a loud banging noise from outside.

Finally, it was just Lincoln Loud and JeBron Lames.

And the only shred of hope for Lincoln is one can of Fanta Orange.

JeBron looked down at Lincoln.

"Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" he asked, slowly making his way at Lincoln.

Lincoln's arm felt sore from shaking the can for so long.

Already feeling the pressure in the can, Lincoln knew that it was time to end this.

Lincoln held the can in front of him with his other hand holding the tab.

As JeBron was only one second away from Lincoln, he clinched the tab.

"Fanta for life." Lincoln growled as he opened the can with a loud pop.

The can opened and released a stream of orange colored liquid which splashed onto Jebron's face.

JeBron Lames jumped back and let out a loud demonic scream of pain as the Fanta started to burn his skin as if it was acid.

JeBron fell to his knees as his skin started to let off smoke.

Like how the Nazi soldiers from the Raiders Of The Lost Arc movie had their faces melted after opening the Arc of the Covenant, JoBron's face was doing the same. His black skin melted only to reveal the pink insides which as well dissolved to reveal his skeleton.

After a few seconds, the screaming finally stopped, only leaving JeBron's slumped over skeleton which that as well dissolved into nothing, just leaving his red sweater.

Lincoln who watched the whole thing with wide eyes gave a sigh of relief.

He tossed the now empty can aside and grabbed JeBron's red sweater. Lincoln the left the kitchen through the backdoor and tossed the sweater with all his might. Lincoln didn't care where the sweater landed. He just wanted that thing out of his house and away from his family.

Little did he know, the sweater landed in Mr. Grouse's yard.

* * *

Sometime later, everyone who was KO'd by JeBron finally woke up.

The Louds and Policemen who were simply punched were okay but each had a black eye thanks to the force of JeBron's punches. All held cold steaks over their bruised eyes.

Lucy and Lynn were a different case as they suffered differently.

One of Lynn's arms and legs were bandaged up from the thorn bushes while her other arm was in a sling from her fall. She also had a icepack on her head from where JeBron slammed her onto the ground. To top it off, Lynn had to wear an eyepatch

Lucy was a little more bandaged up than Lynn on her arms and legs and has two icepacks. One on one of her shoulders where she slammed against the garage after JeBron threw her out and the other on top of her head. One of her legs was in a cast so she would have to use crutches for a while. She also had stitches in her lip where it was busted.

The family cheered for Lincoln's bravery.

"This calls for a celebration! Fanta's for everyone!" Lynn Sr announced.

"But we're all out." Lincoln stated.

Lynn Sr chuckled.

"Then let's make a trip to the store and buy some, shall we?" Lynn Sr suggested.

"Let's get strawberry!" Lola shouted.

"No. Peach!" Leni replied.

"Green Apple!" Luna blurted out.

As the kids fought over what flavor to get, Lynn Sr cleared his throat, catching their attention.

"Kids, it's Christmas. LET'S GET THEM ALL!" Lynn Sr yelled.

Everyone celebrated.

"Yeah! Sierra Mist!" That one cop spoke.

Everyone grew silent and stared at the cop with emotionless expressions.

The cop's smile shrunk as he rubbed his arm nervously.

"Or...fanta."

* * *

A few minutes later, the house clears out with the Kids heading to the store and the police heading back to work.

In the neighboring house next to the Loud House, Mr. Grouse sighs with relief.

"Finally, those animals are silent!" Grouse complained as he looked out of his window facing his backyard.

That's when the old man noticed the discarded sweater on his grass.

"What is that?" Grouse asked himself as he walked away from the window.

A few moments pass and Grouse is in front of the piece of clothing.

"Oh, a sweater!" Grouse smiled as he picked it up only to feel it's stickiness.

"Why is this thing so sticky?" Grouse scowled.

The old man brought his nose up to the sweater and sniffed.

He immediately turned his head and held his breath with a sick expression.

"It smells like fanta. Disgusting!" Mr. Grouse croaked.

Mr. Grouse brought the sweater inside his house and walked into the laundry room.

Half an hour later, the sweater was cleaned.

Mr. Groused sniffed the sweater and smiled.

"Ah!"

With that, Mr. Grouse tried on the sweater and beamed how it was a perfect fit.

"Snug as a bug in a rug." Grouse quoted as he walked into his living room.

"The logs in the fireplace are burning, an old western is playing on TV, and I got a comfy new sweater! What will make this night even better is..."

Mr. Grouse walked over and sat in his easy chair. He then reached towarfs the table next to him and grabbed a can.

"A Sprite Cranberry!" said Grouse as he took a long sip of the drink.

Mr. Grouse looked relaxed.

"This is way better than any other soda. Even that trash called Fanta."

With that, Mr. Grouse looked towards the screen and raised his can.

"Merry Christmas, everyone!"

_**The End.**_


End file.
